264. Loving yourself and believing in yourself is the first step in making these funny positive affirmations work for you. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. 130. 104. Or maybe, you just love cracking jokes and making people laugh. First, read the most powerful affirmations below to build a strong mind. Funny affirmations youll find here will boost your confidence and make you laugh. Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. Positive Affirmations And Inspiring Quotes About Life Life is filled with highs and lows, sometimes, we need some inspirational quotes to help us overcome challenges of life and offer guidance to us. 142. I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. I love my body. Ken Dodd, 255. Is it perfect? I nourish my body every day. It may look like Im doing nothing, but in my head, Im quite busy. Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park. Henny Youngman I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people., 5. 98. Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. 135. Enjoying this list of funny affirmations so far? 1. - Unkmown. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. By waking up and repeating this mantra, you will set the tone for the day. Your habits become your values. Funny Wednesday Work Quotes. Edward A. Murphy You deserve it! We all need a little energy boost here and there. How do you count cows? 89. 107. We frequently doubt ourselves. People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. If Im not there, I go to work. Robert Orben, 4. I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me. Mind blown! Start your day on a positive and lighter note with these funny daily affirmations and quotes to get you through. There's value in patting yourself (and your friends) on the back.Positive affirmations are statements that can help brighten your outlook on the world when you say them to yourself regularly or write them down in a journal.While affirmations are no substitute for professional help such as therapy when you're experiencing anxiety or depression, those who swear by the power of uplifting . Sam Levenson. No one can make me feel my jokes are bad. 23. 1. 140. When shit hits the fan at work, I turn it into fertilizer., 10. 138. Everyone recognizes how positive emotions can affect attitude and overall health. Frances McDormand I am wise enough to make the same mistake again!, 8. 80. I just go normal from time to time. I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. Its scary when it disappears. Chop your own wood. 19. My mistakes dont define me. I am sorry not everyone will have the pleasure of knowing me., 14. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. 252. Monday I shall slay thee with me mighty cup of coffee. Pat Sajak, 41. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? 192. Snowballs. Every day, read them aloud for the best results. All you need is love. If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? I have a new hairstyle today, its called I tried., 136. Over time, when you use these affirmations, your mind begins to equate new words with weight loss. "Whatever you do, do with all your might.". It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.'. Can February march? Really? The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. 150. I have committed to being my most outstanding self. Below youll find a collection of funny affirmations for work that will help you stay motivated and fight the work stress more efficiently. I didnt mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. I attract the right people and repel the wrong ones. Begin your days with these powerful, funny affirmations for self-esteem. I am capable of eating a family-sized bag of chips. I will drink my coffee and conquer my day. 278. I dont know how to act my age because Ive never been this old before. 143. Giving up on your goal because of one setback is like slashing your other three tires because you got a flat., 6. When affirmations make you feel good about yourself, they are most effective. Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. We have a connection. Erma Bombeck 71. When life closes a door, just open it again. 277. Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. Because they make up everything. 65. I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. 55. Words have the power to make or break us. I am grateful for the healing power of humor. 193. Related Post: 201 Awesome Short Inspirational Quotes About Life. Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize. 2. It takes so little to change your life! 146. I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today. I didnt give a f*ck yesterday, I dont give a f*ck today, and I wont give a f*ck tomorrow either. My future is a golden, sparkly, explosion of fucking awesomeness. I am way dumb than my mom keeps blabbering about me to the neighbors aunt. If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. 95. Who says nothing is impossible? You definitely dont want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! 78. Plus, youre never gonna become funny and charismatic by being afraid to speak your mind. When nothing is going right, go left. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? 219. 8. This is the beauty of funny affirmations. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. George Burns, 253. 151. New year, new me. Its okay if people dont like me. I am the sunshine even when its gloomy outside. 164. Wake up and smell the birdshit on your windshield. 8. And in that moment I swear I still didn't give a shit. I'm sorry, I have to quickly disable alarm level brown. , we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. Wouldnt exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them? Cindy from Marzahn. If you woke up feeling drained and blurry, these funny affirmations will boost your energy and get you ready to slay the day! Absorb these 41 positive quotes and positive affirmations and start feeling positive now! Your brain will only ever optimally respond to positive present tense affirmations such as " I am calm .". Im full of funny ideas waiting to be expressed. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? Never test how deep the water is with both feet. 266. Not everyone has good taste. 187. 176. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know "Change is not a four letter word but often your reaction to it is!". These 50 funny affirmations will help you feel better about yourself while keeping a wide smile on your face. Ill start this journey with my 10 favorite funny affirmations that never fail to make me laugh. Walter Bagehot A wishbone. I give over my anxiety to God, knowing His peace will protect my heart and mind. What is Mozart doing right now? Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. 193. It may feel useless but just get into it. Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesnt contain any calories. Relax, its the weekend, just dont blink or it will be all over. Today, I acknowledge the time I have spent over the week. Im not running away from hard work, Im too lazy to run. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. Bill Murray, 258. Funny Positive Affirmations For Work. I dont need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. Bill Murray, 260. If you have crazy friends you have everything youll ever need. 145. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. 185. Im not insulting you. 157. My imaginary friend thinks he has problems. Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. Robert A. Heinlein, 243. The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner. On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. Why cant you trust an atom? You might use humor as a coping mechanism. 58. I see food, and I eat it. Read the first word again. Treat me like a joke and Ill leave you like its funny. You were too lazy to read that number. - Christopher Reeve. Ken Dodd "You're in mint condition for a vintage model. 242. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. Ive got three bones. I dont need validation from others to know Im killing it. Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else. 1. 1. 30. 4. Perhaps youre just starting to use affirmations and still cant take yourself seriously. 5. I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. - Benjamin Franklin. Education cost money. Happiness is a choice. People only rain on my parade because they are jealous of my sun and tired of their shade. "You have to be odd to be number one.". Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. Steve Martin Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. See more ideas about sarcastic, funny quotes, funny. My cankles will hold me. An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. What happens to a frogs car when it breaks down? 7. Think about all the things you're struggling with in your life. I am sorry not everyone will have the pleasure of knowing me. A person with a great sense of humor is also more likable. I am stepping out of my comfort zone, no matter how small the step. 213. And, it doesnt have to be hard or complicated! You wanna know who Im in love with? 245. Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours., 6. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. 165. We'll get to that later. Robert Bloch. But a little chocolate now and then doesnt hurt. 84. 233. 14. "If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.". 1. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. 89. If you cant remember my name, just say chocolate and Ill turn around.. Roy Lichtenstein I am naturally cool, calm, and collected. In between, I am alive. 115. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case were having cake. Once you're feeling happy and confident about your sense of humor, use these 35 affirmations to navigate challenging situations with a smile. Im thinking like a proton, always positive. "Today will be a great day". Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? Today I was a hero. Every day I become calmer and do more good for the world. I dont go crazy, I am crazy. 3. I dont suffer from insanity. 110. Let me gather my thoughts and crush this Monday., 15. As long as I have best friends as weird as me, I have everything., 10. I am intelligent. No beauty shines brighter than that of a good heart., 4. Steve Martin, 254. I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? Whoever said great things come in small packages hasnt seen my big screen TV. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. (John 14:27) 27. Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but Im still going to keep looking. Flip Wilson, 263. Nobody gets out alive anyway. Steven Wright, 252. 124. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. 67. With a cowculator. Some when they enter, some when they leave. I cant make everyone happy, Im not tequila. Life is filled with highs and lows, stress and anxiety, so sometimes some funny and positive words will help you lighten up on an encouraging note. The thing is, Im still getting ready. Theres life without Facebook and internet? Your email address will not be published. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut., 6. I can create positive change in the world. 18. Nothing, they just waved. Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. But it'll move up again.". You never know what you have, until you clean your closet. Today, I look at my goals. 131. 68. Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back. Use them throughout the day whenever you experience negative thoughts. Sharing quotes, proverbs, and sayings of great authors to touch people's lives to make it better. I am willing to ask for help when it serves my growth. A wishbone. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. Good morning! Affirmations are a great way to change your mindset. 71. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? 'If you would like to know the value of money, try to borrow some.'. Be careful when you follow the masses. All you need is love. You need some sort of way to offset the inevitable stressors of life, and what better way to do that than with humor? You can be positive and yet be funny and easy-going. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wifes mother. Pardon me, I have 6 pounds of boneless mass to get rid of. Funny positive affirmations do work. 218. Swimming trunks. 80 Soren Kierkegaard Quotes On Love, Life And Philosophy, Top 90 Martin Luther King Jr.

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