"The planet is fine. he was a conservative. They dont pass through a membrane from another reality. They own and control the corporations. We're all fucked," Carlin once said. ", 103. You don't. ", 81. "Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? ", 65. "Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. '""I have solved this political dilemma in a very direct way: I don't vote. George Denis Patrick Carlin ( May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008) was an American stand-up comedian, actor, author, singer, voice artist, and comedian, noted especially for his irreverent attitude and his observations on politics, language, psychology, and religion, as well as some taboo subjects. ", 20. ", 4. "Things you never hear: 'Please stop sucking my d**k or I'll call the police. "It helps to remember this.. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZijLQGH1v0 No, wait, hold on . George Carlin They Don't Give a Fu@k About You - YouTube George speaking the truth. Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. ''It's called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. Why? Weve added years to life, not life to years. A provocative new photo shoot has the trolls losing their minds alongside the likes of Noel Gallagher, Bob Geldof, and Azealia Banks. That's generally been true. Now one of his most famous routines has swept the internet a dozen years after his death. They dont give a fuck about you. I think the life cycle is all backwards. "It's important in life if you don't give a s**t. It can help you a lot. American - Comedian May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008. These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc. Never join a group that has a name. ", 40. "I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. ""The owners of this country know the truth: It's called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. Everybody says they suck. "The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers, but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. The cookie is set by Snapchat to show relevant ads to the users by tracking user behaviour on Snapchat. Chartbeat sets this cookie to store the original referrer for the site visitor. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence? The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other. And nobody seems to notice, nobody seems to care. Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save those snails. And the greatest arrogance of all: save the planet. Issued by Microsoft's ASP.NET Application, this cookie stores session data during a user's website visit. Thats the problem. George Carlin, I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood. George Carlin, Governments dont want a population capable of critical thinking; theywant obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to passively accept their situation. George Carlin, How can He be perfect? This cookie is managed by Amazon Web Services and is used for load balancing. This is the best we can do, folks. ", 108. Because you have the illusion of choice. CMPS cookie is set by CasaleMedia for anonymous user tracking based on user's website visits, for displaying targeted ads. Others see it half empty. ", 98. . 2. "Life is not measured by the number of breath we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. ", 43. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. Then youre just what theyre looking for. The game is rigged. George Carlin. "Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. ", 7. They dont care about you at all. ", Join half a million readers enjoying Newsweek's free newsletters. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. It will not be with jack-boots. This cookie is used by PwC to track individual visitors and their use of site. It even sparked a legal case with the U.S. Supreme Court! Try spelling Evian backward. Thats what all that asshole jock bullshit is all about. Deal with it. "In America, anyone can become president. "Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. I don't trust none of them. They own, and control the corporation. They believe a womans primary role is to function as a broodmare for the state.. Theyre all in favor of the unborn. Cookie associated with embedding content from Snapchat. You think the schools are the way they are by accident? Carlin is usually spot on. ", 26. It also helps for marketing automation solution for B2B marketers to track customers through all phases of buying cycle. "Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. They dont wanna hear from you. You should die first; get it out of the way. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers. In his 1996 HBO special Back in Town, the late comic legend and social critic George Carlin nailed the hypocrisy of social conservatives who rail against abortion and birth control with "pro-life" rhetoric while simultaneously attacking social . And if they tell you youre not a team player, congratulate them on being observant. George Carlin. Some critics felt that Ice Cube's willingness to work with Republicans signaled his support for Trump. They own everything. This cookie is set by Segment to count the number of people who visit a certain site by tracking if they have visited before. ", 38. When a . The cookie is a session cookies and is deleted when all the browser windows are closed. Board Messages . "We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass. That is against their interests. ", 122. Your culture and entertainment cheat-sheet. The 1996 clip is being passed around on social media after this week's Supreme Court news. This cookie is used for embedding The Guardian video player. The quote continues: "They own all the important land. You'd have people tuning in don't even care about football! I recall many years ago, when he was guest-hosting the Tonight show, George Carlin having a somewhat strained political conversation with the comedian Shelley Winters. #AmericaWakeUp. The late great stand-up, actor and occasional philosopher George Carlin was known to cross the lines of what polite society would call good taste, but he himself drew a few lines when it came. "If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isnt the whole airplane made out of that stuff? It creates a hostile work environment. George Carlin, The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. George Carlin, May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. George Carlin, The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. George Carlin, Scratch any cynic, and you will find a disappointed idealist. George Carlin, I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. "I don't know if we could count on any parties to get us out this s**t, to be honest. He was 71 years old. You know what they want? A cookie set by YouTube to measure bandwidth that determines whether the user gets the new or old player interface. "He and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever f**k things up this badly. ", 77. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was. George Carlin, How is it possible to have a civil war? George Carlin, Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? "If it requires a uniform, its a worthless endeavor. ", 112. They dont want well informed, well educated people capable of critical thinking. I think. ", 121. ", 102. That doesnt help them. [5] And another one: 03 Mar 2023 16:21:02 The Bachelorette's Angie Kent and Carlin Sterritt have been on holiday together in Vietnam the past week and sharing lots of glamorous selfies. He was regarded as one of the most important and influential stand-up comics of all time. This cookie is used for email services. You have no choice. YouTube sets this cookie to store the video preferences of the user using embedded YouTube video. "I was a loner as a child. On Election Day, I stay home. ", 16. 'You give us a color, we'll wipe it out. F*ck Hope. George Carlin, In America, anyone can become president. The people left of center were liberals; the people right of center were conservatives. AddThis sets this cookie to track page visits, sources of traffic and share counts. You have no choice. "Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. God has a three-day weekend. Carlin was known for his dark comedy and reflections on politics, religion, psychology, language and taboo subjects. Hes all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just cant handle money! George Carlin, Thats why they call it the American Dreambecause you have to be asleep to believe it. George Carlin, Religion is like a pair of shoes..Find one that fits for you, but dont make me wear your shoes. George Carlin, He and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly. George Carlin, I do this real moron thing, and its called thinking. Laugh until you gasp for breath. "Most people with low self-esteem have earned it. They dont want people who are smart enough to sit around a kitchen table and think about how badly theyre getting fucked by a system that threw them overboard 30 fuckin years ago. They own everything. You have owners. Politics Notify me about new: Board Topics. This cookie is used to collect data on user behaviour and interaction to make advertisement on the website more relevant. "There's no present. Petras said shes glad the industry is finally catching on to her talent. ' Avoid teams at all costs. "Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. ", 42. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. He was a regular on the "Ed Sullivan Show," but in the 1970s he became much better known for his irreverent . He loves you, and He needs money! Fascism won it. It gloriously backfired, Dictionary.com just added several new LGBTQ+ words & also grundle, Love, drugs & the club: As a gay man, life looks different with a new disability, Kim Petras says the road to fame while trans was twice as long, School bans parents as a threat to kids over LGBTQ-affirming posts, Sam Smith is trending on Twitter and the discourse is truly Unholy. "In America, anyone can become president. Related: When it comes to mass shootings, the problem isnt Republicans or the NRA. "If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to have selfish, ignorant leaders. Carlin is funny as hell. This cookie can only be read from the domain they are set on and will not track any data while browsing through other sites. You can't be winning a culture war if most people hate you and your culture and it is causing you to lose elections. ", 84. Don't miss a beat. ", 68. The demdex cookie, set under the domain demdex.net, is used by Adobe Audience Manager to help identify a unique visitor across domains. ""Boy, these conservatives are really something, aren't they? But there is an I in independence, individuality, and integrity. Ice Cube also recently voiced concerns that neither political party would actually be able to make a positive change for the betterment of Black Americansand that's reportedly the rapper's whole reasoning for working with the White House on the Platinum Plan, which aims to develop Black businesses and communities. Amazon Pay uses this cookie to maintain a "session" that spans multiple days and beyond reboots. ", 35. This cookie is set by Eloqua. "I have lots of ideas. "I don't believe anything the government tells me.". No nothing. Because he was a genius, and here are 11 quotes that prove it: 1. You show a clip of a young Richard Pryor and a young George Carlin on the set together with John Davidson. Transcribed part of speech begins at 10.33 13 May 1999, National Press Club, Washington DC, USA This is an incomplete transcript made by Raven Developers . What we need is a king, and every now and then if the kings not doing a good job, we kill him. "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. ", 62. They own everything," the quote reads. They want it back so they can give it to their criminal friends on Wall Street, and you know something? "Electricity is really just organized lightning. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. ", 69. They own you. "Laugh often, long and loud. Believe me, my friend. ", 85. It's what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. ", 60. New evidence may suggest they don't and many voters are skeptical, too. They own and control the corporations. Ice Cube added the brief caption, "Facts.". "I put a dollar in a change machine. Below are some famous quotes and jokes by the man, the myth, the legend, the comedian George Carlin. ", 29. "'Bipartisan' usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. I have major psychotic f**king hatreds. This cookie allows the website to identify a user and provide enhanced functionality and personalisation. They don't fall out of the sky. Everyones at the mall, scratching his balls and buying sneakers with lights in them. Try spelling Evian backward. ", 47. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. ", 27. I'm your huckleberry. On Sunday, the 29-year-old Angie revealed that not . They will do anything for the unborn. "Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? Nobody seems to care. He died from heart failure in 2008, survived by his second wife Sally Wade, and his daughter, Kelly. RT @JamesMelville: "They own everythingThey don't care about youThey got you by the balls." ~ George Carlin He absolutely nailed it. ", 7. A unique user identifier cookie, set by Microsoft Application Insights software, that enables counting of the number of users accessing the application over time. "I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. After that, they dont wanna know about you. AddThis sets this cookie to ensure that the updated count is seen when one shares a page and returns to it, before the share count cache is updated. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating and you finish off as an orgasm. George Carlin, I dont have pet peeves I have major psychotic fucking hatreds. George Carlin, Some people see the glass half full. If youre preborn, youre fine; if youre preschool, youre fucked. Famous and remained in the controversies for his dark comedy and the reflections on politics, religions, and social taboo, Carlin is . ", 30. Jesse Kelly wanted to whip his followers into homophobic outrage, but it sure AF didnt work. Bing Ads sets this cookie to engage with a user that has previously visited the website. ", 105. ", 34. AdScale sets this cookie to target ads by registering the user's movements across websites. As for the poor, they tell us theyve lost all incentive because weve given them too much money. ", 117. You're down to seven. "But what I want them to know is that Im thinking. The stand up comic was an artist who did more than articulate the public's subconscious; he. I took his shoes. Theyre anti-woman, simple as it gets, he said. ", 5. "Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did. ", 88. The fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big red, white, and blue dick thats being jammed up their assholes every day, because the owners of this country know the truth: Its call the Amercian Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it., RIP George Carlin. This cookie is used for identifying the geographical location by country of the user. Everybodys going to save something now. These days, 'Trajedi. They spend billions of dollars every year lobbying. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. In the footage from his 1996 HBO special, Back In Town, Carlin tears into the pro-life movement: Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to 9 months. Deal with it. George Carlin, Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. George Carlin, Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice? George Carlin, Were so self-important. PayPal sets this cookie to enable secure transactions through PayPal. ", 24. She writes about astrology, games, love, relationships, and entertainment. Theres a nice campaign slogan for somebody: The Public Sucks. This cookie is set by Prebid Server. In the footage from his 1996 HBO special, "Back In Town," Carlin tears into the pro-life movement: "Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to 9 months. "Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? It helps in improving the performance. ", 91. This is the best we can do folks. "Forget the politicians. Yeah, the public sucks. ", 46. These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously. ", 57. Good honest hard-working people white collar, blue collar, it doesnt matter what color shirt you have on. ", 118. He saw it from a . Yeah, the public sucks. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place. They own everything. They say, 'If you don't vote, you have no right to complain,' but where's the logic in that? January Nelson is a writer, editor, and dreamer. 28. r/antiwork. God has a three-day weekend. George Carlin, The real reason that we cant have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're going to get selfish, ignorant leaders. Answer (1 of 16): He hated mostly all politicians. "Now, there's one thing you might have noticed I don't complain about: politicians. Maybe this time itll work. And just dumb enough to passively accept all these increasingly shittier jobs with the lower pay, the longer hours, the reduced benefits, the end of overtime and vanishing pension that disappears the minute you go to collect it, and not theyre coming for your Social Security money. Next, honor thy father and mother. War is a whole lot of men standing out on a field waving their pricks at one another. Hatred/ bias against opposition: Have you noticed that nearly every time, Mr. Trump is questioned, or feels accused, etc, he replies by bringing up his less - than - popular former political opponent, Hillary Clinton, and repeats claims which have been refuted and disputed, numerous times, but his core followers, continue to accept? There's only the immediate future and the recent past. That's about as close as you could get to pegging him as any party affiliation. Used by Zoominfo to enhance customer data. RLCDN sets this cookie to provide users with relevant advertisements and limit the number of ads displayed. This data helps to customize website content to enhance user experience. The JSESSIONID cookie is used by New Relic to store a session identifier so that New Relic can monitor session counts for an application. The Romantic Comedy You Should Watch This Valentines Day, Based On Your ZodiacSign, Valentines Day Streaming Guide: The Best Rom-Coms To Binge On Netflix, HBO Max, AndMore, How Narcissists Use Dog Whistling To Covertly Abuse You: Signs Of This Dangerous ManipulationMethod, 11 Christmas Movies To Watch If Youre Dealing With Heartbreak Over TheHolidays. So I don't trust none of them. In his 1996 HBO special Back in Town , the late comic legend and social critic George Carlin nailed the hypocrisy of social conservatives who rail against abortion and birth control with. You ever notice that? [] I look at war a little bit differently. ", 14. In the clip, Carlin says the pro-life movement isnt pro-life at all. Photo: Matthias Clamer (modified by author) Source: Getty Images One-liner jokes. "Some people see the glass half full. You and I are not in The Big Club. "You show me a lazy p***k who's lying in bed all day, watching TV, only occasionally getting up to p**s, and I'll show you a guy who's not causing any trouble. This cookie is used for advertising, site analytics, and other operations. In fact, sometimes you get the impression that theyre the only ones who vote. . 'They dont want a population of citizens capable of critical thinking. It's kind of bread-and-butter liberal (which during the counterculture 60s was pretty radical, but maybe not very en vogue with a younger crowd nowadays who are a bit more lefty). If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to get selfish, ignorant leaders. He always needs money! And generally speaking, people onthe right of center, are interested in property values, property, property rights. Others see it half empty. Toothpicks? "There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning. I, on the other hand, who did not vote -- who did not even leave the house on Election Day -- am in no way responsible for what these politicians have done and have every right to complain about the mess that you created.". ", Want more great quotes?

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